The Validation Addict: When He’s in Love with the Chase, Not with You

But in reality, this is part of his tactic — so you feel chosen, special and deeply desired.

But over time, a quiet shift begins.
Not in any dramatic way — he still shows up. But he’s not really there. He starts texting less. He stops planning as much. Conversations feel emptier. You sense it: he’s emotionally checking out.

And the hardest part? You can’t quite explain it, because on paper, he’s doing all the right things. But there are emotional highs and lows.

He’s Not New to This

This man isn’t clumsy in love. He’s a seasoned romantic — an expert in charm, with a polished seduction routine that’s worked time and time again. He knows exactly what to say to make a woman feel seen, chosen and special.

He takes you to the restaurants that impress, the spas that feel indulgent. But then you discover he takes most of his women to the same places. Nothing is tailored to you — it’s a script that works!

He’s learned what works — the gestures, the compliments, the rhythm of daily texts and he repeats it like a well-rehearsed role which has become his character. It’s not about connecting, it’s about how he feels when you light up around him. He’s addicted to that feeling.

He Lives for the Rush

For this kind of man, the thrill of romance lies in being wanted, admired and desired. He’s not building intimacy — he’s performing it.

He doesn’t crave partnership; he craves validation.

That’s why the first few months are electric. He gives you everything… until it no longer gives him the same high. As you begin to connect more deeply, to peel back the layers and invite real emotional closeness, he subtly begins to retreat.

Instead of working on the relationship, he sabotages it — especially when the illusion he’s created begins to crumble. When real intimacy is required — when you stop reflecting admiration and begin to ask for emotional presence — that’s when he starts to check out.

He doesn't lean in; he escapes. Quietly, he starts looking for someone new, someone who doesn't yet see behind the mask. He’ll begin the whole performance again — same script, same places, same gestures. He’ll take her to the restaurants he took you to. He’ll say the same lines, use the same tactics. Because it’s not about you — it’s about how he feels when someone new sees him as extraordinary.

There’s No Explosion. No Clear Ending

He simply fades — less effort, less presence, less warmth. You feel it before you can name it.

The 3–8 Month Pattern

Somewhere between month 3 and 8, the cracks start to show. He’s not cold, but he’s not warm either. He shows up, but not with the same spark. You find yourself doing more of the emotional labour, wondering what changed.

And when you raise your concerns, he might deflect, say he’s just tired or busy, or worse — suggest you’re being too sensitive.

In truth, the high is wearing off. He’s no longer getting the rush he needs to feel alive.

So, he emotionally checks out and quietly starts looking for his next fix — a new admirer who hasn’t yet seen through the performance.

When Two Addicts Collide

Sometimes, he meets a woman who’s also chasing the emotional high — someone who craves passion over stability, intensity over safety. In that case, the dynamic can stretch on much longer. They connect in moments of excitement, then drift during periods of emotional vacancy.

It looks like chemistry, but it’s just chaos.
They’re bonded by their mutual avoidance of true vulnerability.

He’s Delusional and It’s Creating Bad Karma

This kind of man often believes he’s doing everything right. After all, he buys the flowers, makes the reservations, sends the good morning texts. In his mind, he’s the ideal partner. So, when women start pulling away, he’s confused. He doesn’t reflect — he just assumes she’s changed.

But deep down, he knows what he’s doing.
He knows he’s not emotionally present.
He knows he’s performing rather than truly connecting.
He knows he’s still admiring other women while in a relationship — but he doesn’t think that’s a problem.

This isn’t harmless. It’s karmic.

Each time he draws a woman in under false emotional pretences, he chips away at something sacred in himself. This pattern isn’t just hurting the women he dates — it’s damaging his own soul. But because he refuses to self-reflect or do the inner work, he remains stuck in a cycle of emotional immaturity.

He doesn’t grow because he believes he’s already perfect. This is ego identity.

That illusion of perfection is what keeps him emotionally stunted. And until he’s ready to confront it, every “relationship” he enters is doomed to repeat the same empty pattern.

The Boy Behind the Mask

Emotionally, this man hasn’t matured. He still operates from his ego — needing women to reflect his worth back to him. Commitment feels like obligation. Emotional responsibility feels suffocating.

He might say he wants a relationship, but he’s still playing games that make him feel powerful, wanted and admired.

One woman is never enough for someone who hasn’t learned to self-validate. He needs the high, not the person.

If You’ve Been Here…

If you’ve loved someone like this, you’re not foolish — you’re human. These men are often charismatic, emotionally intelligent on the surface and brilliant at mirroring what you want.

But over time, you start to notice: he’s not really present. And you’re left feeling confused, depleted and somehow not “enough.”

Let me be clear: you are not the problem. But you are not perfect either and need to look within yourself as well.

He’s simply not available for the kind of connection you’re ready for — not because you’re too much, but because he hasn’t done the inner work to be enough for someone else.

He Never Fights for It

When things begin to crack — when emotional effort is required — he doesn’t step up. He steps out.

He tells himself comforting stories like “I tried, but I just fell out of love,” or “She’s just too much for me.” He rewrites the narrative in a way that absolves him from accountability — always painting himself as the good guy who just “couldn’t help it.”

But the truth is: He never really tried.
Because to try would mean to look inward, to confront his own emotional immaturity, to take responsibility for how his patterns create damage.

He never truly understood you — not because you were complicated, but because it was never about you in the first place. It was always about how he felt in your company. The attention. The admiration. The reflection of worth.

He appeared to care — but if he truly cared, he would have stayed when things got hard. He would have fought for the connection. He would have done the uncomfortable work of growing, listening, taking accountability.

Real men don’t discard women they claim to love the moment the honeymoon fades or when things get a bit complicated. They don’t trade partners like outfits and chase new validation as soon as the previous source stops supplying the same emotional high.

But this man does. Because it’s easier to start over than to go deeper.

He moves on quickly — not because he’s healed, but because he’s hiding. Hiding in a new performance, hoping the next woman doesn’t see through the act.

He may even convince himself he wants something real. He feels entitled that he deserves "better". He may long for someone to come home to. But he doesn’t realise that real connection requires presence, consistency, humility — not just charm and chemistry.

And if his heart isn’t fully in it, he’ll stray. Maybe not right away, but eventually. Because the moment admiration fades, he’s back in the hunger — seeking his next fix, his next fantasy. And if the opportunity arises, he’ll flirt, he’ll cross lines, he may even cheat — not out of malice, but out of emptiness. Because he feels very little, and what he does feel, he doesn’t know how to sit with.

He doesn’t empathise with your pain — not because you’re hard to understand, but because he doesn’t feel deeply enough to connect to anyone else’s emotional world. His heart has been shut for decades.

He’s not cold. He’s numb.
Until he decides to do the real work — to thaw, to awaken, to take responsibility — he’ll keep calling it “love” when really, it’s just another performance.

Real Love Feels Different

Real love doesn’t rush. It doesn’t require you to perform or prove your worth. It feels grounded, not intense. Steady, not showy. It deepens over time — rather than fading once the performance is over.

If you’re tired of the highs and lows… if you want something real… start by choosing yourself.

Choose depth. Choose peace. Choose someone who shows up not just in grand gestures, but in presence, consistency and truth.

You deserve that.

Want to explore these patterns and start attracting healthier love?
Let’s talk. I offer a limited number of free coaching sessions each month — no pressure, just honest conversation.