Looking Back: What can your past relationships teach you?

But what if you challenged that belief?

What if, instead of romanticising the past, you asked yourself:

• Was she/he truly special or did she/ he simply know how to make me crave for them?

• Did I meet them because there was something I needed to learn from this connection?

• Did I grow from the pain of heartbreak or did I suppress my feelings and seek distractions instead?

Sometimes, the people who leave the biggest impact aren’t meant to stay - they’re meant to teach.

The Illusion of the ‘Perfect’ Woman/Man

It’s easy to look back and believe that no one will ever compare to that one person. But human connection is complex. Sometimes, what you perceived as confidence was just a mask or maybe you unknowingly opened a unhealed wound that made them behave differently. Everyone has insecurities - no one is 100% confident all the time.

Some people use their sexuality, charm or even emotional manipulation to make you desire them more. They know how to create highs and lows that keep you hooked. But was that really love? Or was it a game of power, where the chase itself became the addiction?

Men, in particular, often don’t analyse relationships the way women do. Many don’t take the time to reflect on emotional patterns or question why they were so drawn to someone. Instead, they hold on to an illusion, believing that no one else will ever make them feel the same way.

Are You Acting Out of Love or Out of Ego?

Many of us - men and women - act out of a textbook version of love. We do things that look good on the surface, that check all the right boxes. But if there was nothing to gain, would you still act the same way?

True love isn’t about playing a role. It’s not about putting on a performance to win someone over. Love is about being genuine - giving without expecting something in return.

How Would Your Exes Describe You?

Here’s a challenge:
Think back to your past relationships. If you asked your exes to describe you, what do you think they would say?

• Would they say you were kind, honest and had a good heart?

• Or would they say you were selfish, emotionally unavailable or even toxic?

• If it’s the latter, do you notice a pattern? Is there some truth in their words?

Now, flip the question: How would you describe your ex?

• Were they kind to you most of the time?

• Did they have a good heart?

• Did they ever deliberately hurt you?

• How did they handle the breakup? Did they still care about you afterward?

If you take blame out of the equation, what can you really learn from those relationships?

The Truth About Growth

The past isn’t something to run from - it’s something to learn from. If you find yourself repeating the same patterns, attracting the same type of people, or feeling stuck in relationships that don’t fulfil you, maybe it’s time to stop looking outward and start looking within.

Ask yourself:
- What did my past relationships reveal about me?
- Am I chasing an illusion rather than real connection?
- Am I open to true love or am I stuck in old cycles?

Growth starts when you stop running from the truth. When you stop blaming others and start asking yourself the right questions - you open the door to something deeper, something real.

So, what lessons are you ready to learn?