Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style (Disorganised Attachment)
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment (Disorganised Attachment) is a mix of anxious and avoidant attachment styles. People with this style crave deep connection but also fear it, leading to push-pull dynamics in relationships.
Kedy Kutt
3/10/20251 min read
Key Traits of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Fear of abandonment & fear of intimacy – They want love but struggle to trust it.
Hot & cold behavior – They may pull someone close, then push them away when things feel too intense.
Deep emotional wounds – Often stems from childhood trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregivers.
Difficulty regulating emotions – They may feel overwhelmed by their feelings and react impulsively.
Low self-worth – They often believe they are unworthy of love or that others will eventually hurt them.
Jealousy & mistrust – Even in secure relationships, they may doubt their partner’s intentions.
How It Shows Up in Relationships
They fall deeply in love but struggle with emotional vulnerability.
When they feel too close, they withdraw or become distant.
When they feel ignored, they may become anxious and seek reassurance.
They often test their partner’s love by creating emotional distance or conflict.
They can feel overwhelmed by deep emotional bonds, leading to sudden breakups or shutting down.
Can They Change?
Yes! With self-awareness, therapy, and a safe, supportive relationship, fearful-avoidants can develop a more secure attachment over time. Healing involves:
Recognizing their patterns and why they react the way they do.
Learning emotional regulation to manage fears and insecurities.
Communicating openly instead of pushing people away.
Building self-worth to believe they deserve love and stability.
Would you say this attachment style resonates with you or someone you know?